Surrendering My Will

fullsizeoutput_17bdSurrendering.  Often times, whenever I’ve thought about that word, it’s made me think of  people surrendering in a time of war (essentially losing the battle) or sacrificing something for the sake of someone or something else. It never seemed like good things came from surrendering. Until recently, I always thought of it with a negative stigma but in the last few days, that word has completely changed the way I’ve understood it.

This season of life has not only been a time of spiritual growth but it’s also been some of the toughest times I’ve had in a long time. It’s a known fact that the more work we do for Christ, the more the Enemy will try to cause us to stumble.  I’m a control freak by nature. I’ve had my life planned out, sometimes weeks or years in advance, for as long as I can remember. I can even remember back in high school when I’d call my best friend on a Tuesday and schedule time to hang out for the following Saturday. I liked to know my schedule ahead of time so I’d know what to expect and could have control over the situation.

Well,  I’ve been learning that even though I want to have control, I’m not the operator of my life…God is! But, instead of rejoicing for all the things God has done this year to bring me closer to Him, I sit here, teary-eyed, wondering why God won’t grant me a few things that I have deeply desired. I continually ask, “Why not me, God?” or “Why do you cause me this pain?” The fear of my desires never being fulfilled is terrifying and painful. It’s like I’m stuck in a jail that I can’t escape and yet, all I need to do to escape is to just surrender my will, my lack of control, and my desires at the feet of Jesus. Just one simple thing to receive the keys of freedom…surrender my will.

All these things became apparent to me last week, when a friend in our connection group read a quote, that talked about surrendering your will to God. These words have resonated with me ever since. Then, this morning, during my short quiet time, I read Psalm 18:30-31, “This God-His way is perfect, the word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?” Did you notice those words? It says His way is perfect. The word of the Lord proves true. He is a shield for those that take refuge in Him. The beauty of surrendering my will to God is beginning to sink in with me! God’s way is so perfect and He wants to protect me from trials, sufferings and any strife that may occur! He doesn’t want me to fear or suffer alone, rather, He wants me to experience freedom! That freedom comes from surrendering! I am definitely not close to mastering the discipline of surrendering my will, but this realization is helping me to take one step in escaping from my prison and desiring His will above all else!



10k At Last

Labor Day weekend definitely did not disappoint! It was a great weekend, full of many “firsts!” Back in the beginning of June, I was ready to tackle a new challenge. I had asked a couple friends of mine, Ally and Laura, if they’d be willing to train for and run a race with me. They agreed and we decided upon a 10k (6.2 miles). We chose a 10k as our distance because a 5k (3.1 miles) was far too easy of a goal. If I ran for just a couple of weeks, I could run a 5k with no problem. We wanted something that would be challenging, but not too challenging like a half marathon…so, alas, 10k it was!

Ally’s co-worker is an avid runner, so he graciously wrote down a training plan for us to follow over the course of the next 12 weeks. At the beginning, we were all excited to run this race. The temperatures were unusually cool in June and we were holding each other accountable weekly with our distance. Before training for this race, the most I had ever run was 3 miles. Each day, I was able to push myself a little bit more. I loved working toward a goal and pushing myself to get there and not only that, but being able to do it alongside some great girls was even better!

July was hot, humid, steamy…miserable, to say the least. I quickly learned that if I didn’t get an early morning run in then I wouldn’t be running that day. I just couldn’t handle the humidity as I’d run in the evenings. In mid-July, Alyson (goes by Aly, but for the sake of preventing confusion, we’ll go by her full name) decided to join us! I was excited to add one more girl to the mix! Throughout the entire 12 weeks of training, it was interesting to see the dynamic of how each of us encouraged each other on our more difficult running days. On a day my body was telling me “no, please slow down,” Alyson would continue to push me farther. On the days Laura started to fall behind, we’d help her get her mind back into it. On the days our legs would cramp in weird places, Alyson would stretch us out. On the days we needed good conversation, Ally was there to talk through things. We all had different characteristics that helped each of us continue to press onward in our training together!

Fast forward to September 2nd. It was race day! Our race was in Blue Springs, MO which was about an hour and a half away from Columbia. We stayed in a hotel room together and were able to bond over dinner prior to our race. I was surprised with how many jitters and butterflies I had that day as I pulled into the parking lot. The competitor in me wasn’t dead after all! On one hand, I was super nervous for what I was about to do, but on the other hand, I was raring to go! The girls also had their own reservations for what was in store. Before we knew it, the race had begun. The race was easy and difficult for me at the same time. Alyson and I kept a pretty good pace together while Ally and Laura ran together, too. The rough patch came at the end of the run….a series of hills. Alyson and I kept pressing onward. The goal I had made with myself was to finish the race in around an hour (within a minute or two). At the last 100 feet, Alyson and I sprinted as fast as we could to the finish line! I finished within my goal of 1:01:44! I can’t begin to tell you how accomplished I felt not only completing my first race and 10k, but also finishing within my goal! I was on a high because I knew that if I could train for and complete a 10k, I could complete anything else I set my mind to! I used to be that girl that would make excuses for everything (I sometimes still struggle with that) but after completing this race, I’ve realized that I must throw those excuses out the window!

The real MVPs, though, goes to both Ally and Laura! Despite some discouraging runs they had prior to the race and the difficulty they experienced during the race, they both hung on, pushed themselves, even to the point of vomiting, and still finished the race! I can’t even begin to explain how excited and proud I was of them! I’m so thankful that all three of these girls were able to be a part of this experience with me!

As I look back at this past weekend, I’m thankful for the FIRSTS that I experienced: running a race, completing a race within my goal, placing 3rd in my age division and doing all of this with some really great girls! I’m looking forward to what challenges are ahead!

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