Surrendering. Often times, whenever I’ve thought about that word, it’s made me think of people surrendering in a time of war (essentially losing the battle) or sacrificing something for the sake of someone or something else. It never seemed like good things came from surrendering. Until recently, I always thought of it with a negative stigma but in the last few days, that word has completely changed the way I’ve understood it.
This season of life has not only been a time of spiritual growth but it’s also been some of the toughest times I’ve had in a long time. It’s a known fact that the more work we do for Christ, the more the Enemy will try to cause us to stumble. I’m a control freak by nature. I’ve had my life planned out, sometimes weeks or years in advance, for as long as I can remember. I can even remember back in high school when I’d call my best friend on a Tuesday and schedule time to hang out for the following Saturday. I liked to know my schedule ahead of time so I’d know what to expect and could have control over the situation.
Well, I’ve been learning that even though I want to have control, I’m not the operator of my life…God is! But, instead of rejoicing for all the things God has done this year to bring me closer to Him, I sit here, teary-eyed, wondering why God won’t grant me a few things that I have deeply desired. I continually ask, “Why not me, God?” or “Why do you cause me this pain?” The fear of my desires never being fulfilled is terrifying and painful. It’s like I’m stuck in a jail that I can’t escape and yet, all I need to do to escape is to just surrender my will, my lack of control, and my desires at the feet of Jesus. Just one simple thing to receive the keys of freedom…surrender my will.
All these things became apparent to me last week, when a friend in our connection group read a quote, that talked about surrendering your will to God. These words have resonated with me ever since. Then, this morning, during my short quiet time, I read Psalm 18:30-31, “This God-His way is perfect, the word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?” Did you notice those words? It says His way is perfect. The word of the Lord proves true. He is a shield for those that take refuge in Him. The beauty of surrendering my will to God is beginning to sink in with me! God’s way is so perfect and He wants to protect me from trials, sufferings and any strife that may occur! He doesn’t want me to fear or suffer alone, rather, He wants me to experience freedom! That freedom comes from surrendering! I am definitely not close to mastering the discipline of surrendering my will, but this realization is helping me to take one step in escaping from my prison and desiring His will above all else!